Featherbrained Nonsense

I was at a prayer meeting with our young adult group this week as I have been trying to get more involved with church, and Brenton is often busy in the fall.  And to have an outlet, a means of purpose.  Our young adult meets weekly through a variety of activities.  This week was our monthly prayer meeting in place of bible study. 

First off, I was stupid in staying up until 4am the night before, so I went wishing I could stay at home with my man and baby.  And, side note, for those with children, I do realize that stupid is no the new "s" word as our daughter begins to understand our words.  Yikes!!!  This is going to be a journey.  And so I wondered how on earth I'd be able to stay awake with my eyes closed for an hour plus.  Amazingly, the Lord helps you focus when you're willing to spend time with Him.  I didn't fight the "zzzz's" until I got in the dark car to go home!

How I wish I was more faithful in really devoting good chunks of time to the Lord in prayer.  What a renewing and refreshing evening.  I went home rejuvenated and so peaceful.  Even still, what stuck with me was confession time as we went through ACTS (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication).  A wise, seasoned lady prayed, "God, forgive me for not being more self-controlled with my emotions in the way they affect those closest to me."

I had just prayed, "Lord, forgive me for trusting myself more than You, and for often trying to keep hold of the reigns to my life."  And, yet, when I heard this prayer on self-control, I thought how pertinent it was to my life also.

Isn't it ironic that we rely on ourselves and trust our instinct more easily than the Lord and His infinite wisdom?  What is more ironic, I just agreed through prayer that I lack self-control and, yet, I find myself trusting in my own control more than the God of the Universe.  What is wrong with me? 

I sat a little befuddled and amused at the featherbrained irony of my thinking and actions, and grateful at how often the Lord chooses means to remind me who really needs to be steering my life in the right direction.